More Being, Less Doing

Pastor Jim Schettler once said, "Don't look for the right one; be the right one, and you'll find the right one.~ Without a doubt, we've all heard stories of individuals meeting their significant other while focusing on living their life and not worrying about whether or not they'll be the only guy/girl in their group of friends whose not yet married. The key is to not really pay much attention to it because if you do you'll be pushed to the brink of insanity. Essentially, he or she made a choice to live life instead of having life live him/her and during one's time of living the single life he/she/you inevitably become a blip on someone's radar of interest. True, you're not aware of it at first due to the all out enjoyment and not to mention the freedom of not being in a relationship all-the-while exuding qualities that are considered to be not only attractive, but thought provokingly positive.

As I said before, it's during one's time of living the single life you become a proverbial blip on someone's radar of interest and most of the time you're totally unaware/oblivious of it. Of course, there is that voice in the back of your head in which it metaphorically taps at the gradual crazy paranoia causing you to wonder if there's a genuinely real interest on their part as to something other than a friend or just that...a friend. Hey, we've all been there before to where you're in bed looking up at the ceiling unable to sleep because you're trying to figure out any distinct clues concerning their true intentions/feelings. In any case, while experiencing the chaotic mental insanity you do your best to keep as calm outwardly by going about your abnormally normal life not knowing the blip within a certain someone's internal radar may have very well grown increasingly stronger.

If you think about it, there is in a sense a duality regarding a clash between ego and conscience when you do indeed know someone is interested in you, especially if you're a guy. You see, the male ego tends to be kicked up a notch, so to speak, causing outright stupidity in attempting to impress knowing attention is drawn to him so much so it comes off as considerably desperate, arrogant and/or obnoxious. Thinking about it further, any guy can find himself struggling to either be himself or end up being someone other than himself. In other words, by listening to one's conscience in making the right decisions possible and being himself a female witnesses a guy's genuine personality shines forth whereas the latter is forced to the point of trying too hard. Personally speaking, as I've gotten older I've made the choice to go with my conscience rather than my ego because it's quite difficult to continually put up a façade that will eventually fall sooner or later.

Let me ask this question to all you ladies who are in a strong significant relationship. When it comes to your best friend for life, how long did it take for you to know he was the right one for you? I think it's safe to say for some women they knew instantly while others it probably took months or even years to finally figure out the man standing in front of her after all this time has been their quintessential prince charming/knight in shining armor. Oftentimes, it's the little things that make the biggest difference in any woman's life such as being available to help but not on a seemingly constant basis relating back to showing how great a guy you are. A simple phone call or text to lift their spirits knowing or in fact not knowing something has happened in their personal life leaving her sad/in utter heartbreak/depressed. What it primarily comes down to is for a guy to unselfishly do things without any ulterior motives whatsoever that doesn't cause suspicion or raise a major red flag amongst the female species, which is an absolute rarity for ladies to encounter these days.

In retrospect, any guy who needs to constantly announce, convince or should I prove they're "the right one" in a whiny sounding way shouldn't be in a relationship. Emotional and mental growth must be accomplished in figuring out who they truly are as a man. For the most part, there should be a balance where a guy shouldn't let himself be a doormat/"yes man" to a woman's every beckoning call and not be a chauvinistic, womanizing jerk who treats girls with disrespect. For it's that in-between blurred line area where all the pieces fit, in a manner of speaking, where a woman's eyes are truly opened to actual true happiness. Ultimately, searching for love/true love can be a daunting task that turns unfortunately futile and frustrating. So my advice to both men and women is to stop looking for it and just be. Once you do that, it will sneak up on you completely out of nowhere most of the time not even saying a single word. In the end, I say this to you ladies look out for the guys who have a more being, less doing mentality where they don't have to prove anything through their actions or words as they just are who they are 24/7 to where the blip within the radar of your own heart sounds off loud and clear.