A Risk Worth Taking

Someone once said, ~To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.~ Without a doubt, one of the scariest aspects of love or true love for that matter is taking a risk with your own heart. For there are absolutely no guarantees that the risks one takes in the pursuit of true happiness are truly successful because of how much of an unknown it is. Pain, humiliation, disappointment, doubt, frustration, etc. are associated with something so scary and yet a person is willing to face it head on knowing full well there is the possibility of rejection, which is an experience that quite a number of people personally know all too well.

As said before, part of what makes love so scary is to risk hitting the painful and oftentimes embarrassing wall of rejection. Its certainly a tough situation indeed to be rejected by a guy/girl your interested in, but to be rejected by a significant other is both tough to deal with and utterly shocking as well. Its a sad state of affairs when you completely open yourself up in an emotional, mental, and spiritual way to someone who you thought loved you with all of his/her heart only to have them be rejected. I think it would be safe to say a part of you dies inside and whether or not you see it coming you, in a sense, feel robbed because he/she in all intensive purposes reached within your heart taking what belongs to you...joy and excitement.

If you think about it, when it comes to matters of the heart there is always risk involved when you put your feelings out there, especially if you're falling for someone you know or are friends with. You see, it can most definitely be a struggle in itself to share your feelings with a certain guy/girl you're potentially interested in knowing there is that innate fear of knowing he/she may not have the same feelings for you to the point where there is a risk in hurting a well established friendship. For some people they took the risk only to have an awkward friendship while others didn't take the risk at all inevitably hiding their feelings to where they live a tortuous existance within their heart. Yet, for most people they ignored the risk putting all fear aside as they now live a life filled with love and contentment.

Let me ask you this question, how many of risked doing/saying what was in your heart and when you were able to look back on it you didn't have any regrets whatsoever? Thinking about it, every person runs the risk of having the proverbial monkey of regret on our back whereby putting us in the unfortunate position nobody ever wants to be in. What might that position be you ask? The position of always asking the ever nagging what if or what could have happened if we had the courage to talk to him/her when given the chance but didn't because you felt he/she was either out of your league, wouldn't even give you the time of day, or whatever the case may be. Let me tell you something, life is too short to wonder so risk trying and regret nothing.

Mary Manin Morrisey said, ~We take a risk when we open our heart because the truth is, if we open our heart, we will get hurt. You can't open your heart and not have some hurt because you're in a human experience. Even it its the love of your life and you have many wonderfl, deepening, growing, powerful years together, its a human experience and that person will pass over, Love takes courage. Be courageous.~ In retrospect, every person has the courage to take the risk with their heart and if you say its not there you're lying to yourself because its in there somwhere you just have to find it. In the end, love is a risk as the fear and pain from being hurt so many times over or facing constant rejection in the past will be worthwhile as you will finally meet someone who will be a risk worth taking.

On and Off

Sharon Salzberg once said, ~It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter of the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years - we turn on the light and its illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.~ In some aspect, love/true can be like turning on a light switch within a person's heart but unfortunately for a certian number of people their heart is in all intensive purposes in the off position waiting for someone truly special to finally flip the switch of true happiness. What it primarily comes down to is making the innate choice to be happy instead of just settling to be comfortable.

Without a doubt, when you make the choice to be happy and not settle for being comfortable in a significant relationship it can most definitely flip the darkened frown felt within your heart turning it into a bright shining smile. Oftentimes, when a person is comfortable rather than happy in love he, she, or both people tend to be complacent in the the relationship to the point where not only the friendship is gradually lost, but there is a loss in caring about the other person's feelings. Its a sad situation indeed when a guy/girl "flips off" certain aspects of love such as caring, compassiong, tenderness, etc. because he/she assumes the other is going to deal with it then eventually get over it, which I'm sorry to say is what some people have experienced or currently are experiencing.

If you think about it, we've all played with a light switch as a kid having a grand ole' time repeatedly flickering them from dark to light? In a sense, when you're in a comfortable relationship you put up with or should I say let yourself go through so much crap you know you didn't deserve that you're feelings and emotions are played with so much so it leaves you in the darkness of disrespect. Essentially, it can be annoying, tiresome, and utterly frustrating to where women, more so than guys, are absolutely fed up with being treated as if they have the so called power to easily switch off the feelings and emotions you so want to express to them but aren't able to because he either doesn't want to hear them or refuses to hear them.

Let me ask you this question to those who are living the single life, how many of you would hope to be someday in a happy, loving relationship where you share in the future the bright light of true happiness than be in comfortable, loveless relationship where the light burned out months/years ago with the relationship going nowhere? You see, its a sad state affairs when guys/girls are so comfortable in a relationship they physically can't find their way out of the dark, in a manner of speak, to where they are seemingly lost emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually as well. For it sometimes takes either a kick in the buttockal region from a best friend/acquaintance you talk with to finally see the light switch on from in your eyes and in your heart.

In retrospect, the light of love is unlimited and forever illuminated when you're in a happy relationship with a guy/girl who doesn't have any intentions of playing with your heart as if its were a light switch. For some, most or all people they personally know all-too-well the feeling of a relationship that has a broken fuse and whats worse is they were comfortable being in the dark knowing full well they deserved someone much brighter/better than him/her. However, its good to know your friends, family, and possibly a potential interest are supportive in every way whereby showing you they will never turn out the lights of betrayal on you. In the end, love is so much more than simply flipping an on and off switch within your heart as it is about working hard in the relationship to be a happy couple than to be just a couple sitting comfortably hardly working at all in the relationship.

Just Ask

Amber Richards once said, ~I believe that it doesn't matter who takes control, just as long as someone step up to the plate.~ Let me ask you this question does it really matter that the guy be the one to ask the girl out or have it be the other way around with the woman asking the guy? For it can truly be a debatable topic indeed where reasonable and valid points of views for either side are placed on the talble, so to speak, giving way to discussions in which you're niether right or wrong. You see, times are a changin' as there has been a gradual turn or should I say a reversal of roles if you will when it pertains to a woman asking a guy out. What it primarily comes down to is the era of tradition to what is now readily accepted in today's society.

If you think about it, tradition dictates that its the guy who should ask the woman out whether its merely as a friend or on an actual date. For guys like myself, we make the choice of asking out a woman as a friend first in order to get to know the woman on what her likes, dislikes, her favorite activites, etc. and if she genuinely enjoys hanging out plans are made to hang out again. Ultimately, when a certain amount of time has passed...possibly a month...he then asks her out on a proper date. Essentially, it by hanging out and talking with the particular woman of interest you take into consideration what possible activities, places to eat, etc. you know she likes/enjoys instead of thinking what she supposedly might like, which in my opinion women really appreciate.

Without a doubt, there is certainly a change these days as women are now stepping up to the plate, in a manner of speaking, doing the asking out. As much as I consider myself a traditionlist, a woman do have the right to ask a guy out because quite frankly there can be times where a guy can be so indecisive as to asking her out they inevitably beat him to the punch. Why? It that mindset of thinking she may be out of his league or she would never go out with me that leads us to doubt. Anyways, if the woman really likes him and the signals she is giving, whether they're subtle or not, aren't apparently working because we're either completely dense or we can be absolutely confused at the signals leading us to have a mental tug of war within our head asking ourselves if she actually like likes us or likes us in the brother sort of way then she step up to make the move.

Personally speaking, in the span of 2 months I asked a woman to hang out and been asked by a woman to hang out both as a friend. Thinking about it, when I asked that particular female I chatted with on facebook with to hang out...no cheesy pick up lines used...we met up for lunch spending a comfortable time talking and getting to know a little bit about each other. I can honestly say it was an enjoyable experience and for her as well. Now on the other side of that coin, being asked out by a female friend was both surprising and yet flattering at the same time because I didn't expect it alI. What did I do? I did nothing...I was myself and it caught her attention. Plus, for the first time I was in the position where I had the power to either say or no...I said yes and we pretty much had a nice time hanging out at the movies.

In retrospect, when you're a guy/girl doing the asking out or being the one asked out it can be flattering and a surprise. However, there can be times where doing the asking can be a big mistake. For the question can be asked, has anyone ever been in a situation that turned from bad to worse like asking out as a friend someone you had a crush on in middle school only to find out they not only completely changed, but somehow you ended up being taken to some kind of pyramid, get rich quick scheme involving some kind of wine that supposedly had healing powers? Don't ask. In the end, my friend Elissa summed it up best by saying it doesn't really matter who asks who out because when you just ask as a friend its okay but when you're actually asking in the context of an interest towards a real date then its all on the guy to step up.

A Change Is Gonna Come

Actor Jason Schwartzmen once said, ~Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. Its just that constant strangeness. I think its a very real thing.~ If you think about it, the word "dating" can put considerable amount of pressure on a person. Why? I think many would agree when it comes to dating there is so much stress related pressure to act a certain way, not say/do anything that may offend him/her, or whatever the case may be. For it oftentimes feels more like fulfilling an obligation than just having a good time eating lunch/dinner, seeing a movie, playing miniature golf, etc. You see, unlike back in the day when people actually took the time in establishing a relationship it now moves fast, which is why I personally think the word "dating" should be changed to "hanging out" whereby taking the stress completely off.

Without a doubt, being able to hang out as friends does indeed take the pressure off because it puts you and that certain someone in such a relaxed state where you can not only think better to the point where there aren't any long, uncomfortable awakward silences in between conversations, but the tension one tends to experience within pretty much every part of your body is no longer there to be felt. Its when you feel that pressure the pain becomes increasingly difficult to deal with, especially when you know the date isn't going so well. Essentially, when there aren't any specified obligations of any kind to be met it leaves you open to simply have fun enjoying each other's company eating a meal and/or engrossed in a particular activity without having to worry so much about as to whether or not you're making a great impression on him/her.

Let me ask you this question, when you are hanging out with a friend and the both of you are meeting for lunch/dinner at a disignated local where do you meet? Thinking about it, as a guy you don't under any circumstances suggest a fast food restaurant inevitably telling her you're a cheap bastard or going to a fine restaurant like The Olive Garden to where it says to her that its a date set in an intimate type atmosphere. What it primarily comes down to is a neutral middle ground as in a Chinese restaurant located within the vicinity of each other's house or somewhere downtown with a festive atmosphere such as McGuire's where the staff is dressed in traditional Irish serving attire. Let me tell you something, choosing a place to eat can be a tricky endeavour as it determines a balance that doesn't lead the person on either way.

Personally speaking, I am meeting up with a female friend who asked me to hang out and we're seeing a movie tonight...my treat by the way. In any case, how I went about choosing the movie came about by eliminating any romantic comedies like Love Happens starring Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart. I then eliminated action movies involving explosions and/or bloody battles where body parts get sliced/ripped off like Ninja Assassins. I also eliminated any horror type movies like Saw VI where it would/may be assumed grabbing an arm would give a reason for an ulterior motive for physical contact whereby sending the wrong signal. So...what I ended up choosing and she mutually agreed upon it is the spy comedy Men Who Stare at Goats starring Ewan McGregor and George Clooney giving both of us the opportuntity to enjoy the movie having a good laugh in the process.

In retrospect, the concept of dating has changed immensely as there are now expectations to consumate the relationship, especially on the first initial meeting. To be perfectly honest, its far from my mind because the primary focus isn't on satisfying my own carnal desires as it is instead being a friend, which is exactly what all guys should be because the good ole' days of what I like to refer to now as "hanging out" is falling by the wayside. Hey, to all the ladies listen up because there are number of guys who aren't trying to get into your pants the first chance they get as they genuinely want to hang out with you. Yeah, its truly shocking to hear but that is the honest to goodness truth. In the end, women more than anything want that change and hopefully a change is gonna come but if it doesn't you know at least one guy would like to see it happen.

Nice Guys Do Finish Last

Addison Walker once said, ~Its not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts.~ Without a doubt, the saying "nice guys finish last" as it pertains to always getting the short end of the stick in regards to the love/relationship dynamic is right...to a certain extent. Thinking about it, the topic of the proverbial nice guy has gradually lost its distinction to the point where there can be a misunderstanding as to the type of nice guy initially being described. When it comes to the nice guy he can be broken down into two different distinct categories which are the readily available at a moments notice 24/7 doormat who can be easily manipulated into doing whatever the woman wants/says and the actual nice guy who can not only think for himself but is also the absolute real deal.

Let me ask you this question ladies, have you ever told a guy that you couldn't be in a relationship with him because he was too nice, which coincidentally happened to my best friend. In any case, as I've said in a past yodaism women are fed up as they want a guy who is nice and actually cares about her instead of caring about fulfilling his innate desire for personal self gratification in the physical aspect of the relationship. For it would most definitely be a far cry from the usual jerks, losers, aholes, liars, cheaters, womanizing players, and self absorbed douche bags they have unfortunately found themselves being in relationships with. You see, its these types of guys mentioned above who have made women doubt their own self worth inevitably destroying their confidence, shed countless tears, not realize how beautiful they truly are, and so much more.

As said before, ther are two types of nice guys as one is soley focused on one woman putting her high on a pedistal all-the-while letting her step all over him whereas the nice guys sees the faults, refuses to be the doormat, has a possible interest but knows he has options giving him the opportunity to see who else is out there. Essentially its the nice guys like myself as well as my best friend who have the ability to show they're confident, are focused on their life/goals to achieve, knows what he wants, is funny in his own weird/strange/silly way, etc., which are considered qualities that are tremendously attractive to women. Let me tell you something, its when you're being yourself exuding a quiet self confidence in such a way its seemingly attractive to the female species to where you unknowingly cause them to either freak out/become nervous in a good way its a surprising albeit flattering experience...trust me on this.

For the question can be asked to those ladies living the single life, how many of you are actually fed up with dating the quintessential "bad boy" and would love nothing more than to meet, as well as possibly fall in love with a nice guy? Its easier said than done but they are out there and all you have to do is open your eyes because they have been standing right in front of you the whole time. In today's society, women have been wined and dined by guys with the intention of the immediate hook up afterwards leading them to become absolutely desentisized at the whole dating process. However, it can be refreshing change of pace indeed for any woman to not feel as if there is always a catch for the wining and dining when out with a nice guy so much so she can be stunningly surprised as she waits or should I say expects days/weeks/months for it to happen only to find there is no catch to speak of.

In retrospect, the time of the "bad boy" is gradually running out as they should step aside handing over the torch, so to speak, in order for the "nice guy" to step forward. Ultimately, they can either hand the torch over to us or we can just take it by force because our time is at hand. In all seriousness though, women do deserve better and guys as well, it just a matter of making better choices when it comes to matters of the heart. In the end, nice guys do finish last because when a woman is able to make it to the other side pushing through/getting past the bad ones that represent dissappointment, hurt, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. she'll be able to finally see/meet the nicest and most caring guy walk into her life at the right moment because he patiently took his time getting to a place she always wanted be within her heart...a state of true happiness.

Schrodinger's Cat (*Note* Dictionary Needed)

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart once said, ~Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.~ Let me ask you this question, do you know the exact equations for figuring out and putting together the so called perfect formula for love or true love for that matter? I think many would agree, a person would have to be an absolute genius to know the definite components that inevitably make up what is at times a worthwhile and yet albeit confusing social construct involving relationship in regards to matters of the heart. For its truly a tough and frustrating situation indeed to find yourself continually "standing" in front of the proverbial white board of your heart crunching the numbers, so to speak, all-the-while in a considerably paradoxical state of mind.

Without a doubt, part of what makes love such a complex paradigm are the countless number of hypothesis and theories concerning the oftentimes predictable/unpredictable behavioral patterns of one human being's physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual attraction towards another. As said before, there are countless number of hypothesis/theories regarding human behavior and love to where the positive outcomes outweighed the negative or vice versa depending on one's own view. Hey, its just a matter of keeping with the research as you make correct and keenly valid observations about the data you've been able to collect in field studies, otherwise known as dating, from past/current personal experiences in which you take into account so many known/unknown variables/anomolies it can lead you to the brink of insanity.

If you think about it, the hypothesis and theories we formulate whether we're single or in potential/significant relationships are all purely speculation of course although there are quite a number of findings to substantiate actual merit. Thinking about though, women hypothesize certain set parameters concerning said male counterparts of interest, which are so infinitesimal it would be nearly impossible to quantify them to just a short list. A list mind you that is so complicated to understand, the debate over string theory vs. loop quantum gravity would be easier to comprehend if set to the humorous context of the tv show The Big Bang Theory....but I digress. In theory, however, those particular set parameters are not only considered totally illogical and irrational within the male psyche, but are also irrelevant in the overall symbiotic relationship.

For the question can be asked, from what you have hopefully gained from your own personal knowledge in past relationships or even in a current current relationship if you were to extrapolate the exact equation for the so called perfect formula for love/true love what would it consist of? In my own careful case study by way of interviews and personal observation in the field that has lasted approximately 13 years, I've been able to come up with the following components of what I believe to be so tremendous its worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize...just kidding. Essentially, it comes down to committment, honor, trust, consitency, reliability, generosity, being real/genuine, communication, honesty, caring, compassion, understanding, respect, patience, being considerate, intimacy, loyalty, friendship, faith in God, a willingness to work with you instead of against you, security, etc.

In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger, proposed a principle in quantum theory of superposition in which he place a living cat into a steel chamber, along with a device containing a vial of hydrocyanic acid. There is, in the chamber, a very small amount of a radioactive substance. If even a single atom of the substance decays during the test period, a relay mechanism will trip a hammer, which will, in turn, break the vial and kill the cat. To know if it were alive or not, you would have to merely open the box. In some aspect, that particular experiment is a representation with ourselves as the box, our heart as the cat, and love/true love the "radioactive" variable whereby putting it all together create an experiment that has being ongoing since the dawn of time. In the end, its by way of Schrodinger's Cat that we shouldn't be afraid to open up in every way and seek to find another live heart just like ours.

More Than A Friend

Someone once said, ~True love, like many things, can only be seen in the eyes of the beholder. It cannot be jealous, proud,or anxious; it is found in the depths of your heart, and longs only for one whose heart longs for the same things as your own.~ If you think about it, the friendship you share with a guy/girl you're potentially interested in is considered truly special. For its within that friendship where you gradually get a glimpse of what he/she hopes for/wants when it pertains to matters of his/her own heart. Thinking about it, its a rarity these days to have a type of caring plutonic friendship where hooking up isn't of great deal of concern to either of you as it more about enjoying the times spent together having fun to the point where each time you and that certain someone part ways you're always smiling from ear to ear.

Without a doubt, when you have a friendship with a guy/girl you genuinely like you most definitely look forward to spending time with each other. Its the chances you get to spend with him/her either at a particular eating establishment, activity, and/or event are the ones you happily cherish because you know in the back of your mind he/she could be spending it with someone else who he/she knows is taller, better looking, and quite possibly attains certain physical qualities/features you don't have, which can cause you to experience a bit of jealousy...but I digress. Yet, despite those inital concerns/worries/fears you set them aside getting out of your head in order to just be in the moment with someone who not only makes you feel absolutely comfortable to be yourself around, but be safe around in a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual way as well.

As said before, for its within a friendship that you gradually get a glimpse of what he/she hopes for/wants when it pertains to matters of his/her own heart. Ultimately, what has been seriously lacking for some guys and practically all women who have experienced or are currently experiencing heartbreak is consistency and reliability. You see, for any woman having a guy who can be consistent as you're able to hopefully relate and agree on what he says/does 99.9% of the time. In addition, what women want most is a guy who they can rely on to be there for them emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically in regards to having someone to talk to/vent, listen, or simply to have a shouder to cry on. Let me tell you something, women are truly fed up with guys who are totally inconsistent and unreliable in the past leading them to make definite changes for the better in pursuit of true happiness.

Let me ask you this question to those who are in significant relationships, when you began as friends was it hard to keep the feelings for him/her on the down low? I think it would be a tough situation indeed to keep how you feel for a guy/girl you're "just friends" with bottled up because there are so many things you want to try to say out loud within your heart that all you can do is just smile. In some aspect, he/she makes your day brighter as you, as well as your heart are metaphorically brought out from being hidden in the dark. Whether its just sitting together having conversations while having a meal, talking on the phone, or whatever the case may be time just flies by. Essentially, there is an initial fear felt within yourself and maybe within that person too but you don't run away from it because the fact of the matter of it is you don't want it to go away.

In retrospect, friendship and true love will always be synonymous with each other because you can't have one without the other. Its a sad state of affairs when relationships aren't built on the solid foundation of friendship as it was first built on the oftentimes shaky ground of the physical aspects of it. What it primarily comes down to is not being the type of guy/girl who makes small steps in the wrong direction but the type of person who can make one big step in the right direction all-the-while going at a slow, steady pace instead of rushing things too quickly to where you completely embarrass yourself. In the end, every person who is in this type of close friendship with a particular guy/girl hope, if there is any, to someday hear with a smile on his/her face the words I want to share my life with you as I see you as more than a friend, which is a song that best relflects this though by the group known as Michael Learns To Rock.