Tuesday, August 04, 2015

This Is Me

Cesare Pavese once said, ~One does not kill one's self for love of a woman, but because love - any love - reveals us in our nakedness, our misery, our vulnerability.~ Without a doubt, love and being vulnerable are truly synonymous with each other because of how much you’re fully exposed, so to speak, leaving you to no longer hide behind/from your thoughts, feelings, and/or emotions. For it can most definitely be a scary and not to mention anxiety ridden situation indeed to completely open yourself up knowing you may possibly face embarrassment, rejection, etc. What it primarily comes down to is stripping away the bravado/swagger/charm and ego whereby allowing the real and genuinely authentic you to shine forth to that certain someone of interest, especially if you’re a guy.

As I said before, stripping away the bravado/swagger/charm and ego allows the real and genuinely authentic you to shine forth, especially if you’re a guy. Thinking about it further, as a guy we tend to cling tightly to it because it’s how we’re able to make, if any, a lasting first impression. Essentially, it’s at that point getting her attention and keeping her attention becoming two entirely different situations to undertake. However, if we allow ourselves to gradually be stripped of our bravado/swagger/charm and ego we, in a sense, end up “naked” because all we’re left with is the side of ourselves hardly anyone not even our best buds very rarely every see, which leaves us at our most vulnerable.

If you think about it, when a man suddenly finds himself experiencing that overwhelming sense of vulnerability due to being positively effected by a woman he’s interested in, he can become absolutely miserable. Of course, when I say miserable I put in a context where any guy can be both so insanely happy and angry there can be an actual argument with ourselves mentally/verbally. You see, it’s during our quiet misery of mental/verbal warfare a metaphorical struggle/fight happens in rationalizing that a beautiful woman wants to actually talk/be seen with guy like myself so much so it not only leads to utter confusion, but it pushes us to the brink of insanity.

Personally speaking, my vulnerability can be felt when you read certain yodaisms I have written over the years concerning matters of the heart and relationships in general. True, you’ve all read my thoughts on love/true love to where you quite possibly felt every emotion I’ve gone through from misery to confusion and everything in between. Oftentimes, I bare my soul to the point where I question whether or not I should keep what I’ve been thinking/feeling in or leave it out altogether. Hey, that’s the struggle/fight I face each and every time because I sometimes write with brutal, self-deprecating honesty that many of you who’ve grown to enjoy as you read what’s been weighing on my mind/heart on a semi daily basis.

In retrospect, vulnerability in regards to true happiness is unfortunately seen as more trouble than it’s worth. Why? Sadly, for some past experience concerning a utterly painful heartbreak left one with a heightened state of awareness involving guarding their own heart. Yet, for others like myself I still continue to have hope that God will hopefully guide me one day to the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. A woman who’ll accept the real me and won’t make fun of all my unique and weird eccentricities that make me who I am leaving me a vulnerable mess of my former self. Ultimately, I’m the type of guy who’ll trip while standing still, continue to watch the original Star Wars trilogy more times than I can count, talk to myself when I write, and other weird/strange tid bits that I can‘t make up if I tried. In the end, this is me so take it or leave it.

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