Dead and Gone

Someone once said, ~Hiding your feelings isn't the easy way out, but sometimes its the only thing you can do.~ If you think about it, matters of the heart concerning our own feelings for a certain guy or girl can most definitely lead you to experience a mixture of emotions. Frustration, confusion, and anger are just a number of emotions causing you to lose focus to the point where it may push you to the brink of mental insanity. To be perfectly honest, it's a sad state of affairs for any person to live that way but it's a choice an individual makes. You see, for some people they have dealt with it by opening up to the cause of their emotional torture face to face inevitably freeing themselves of the weight/burden they've been holding on to/suppressing deep down inside for quite some time. Yet, for others keeping their feelings hidden is all that they've ever really known and been familiar with, whereby making life a bit more complicated than easy.

Without a doubt, to continually keep your feelings for a guy or girl on the down low is never an experience you don't want to put yourself through. In other words, it's a fate worse than death. As said before, it can be a frustrating and not to mention confusing situation indeed as a hurricane of emotions stir within; but you have to understand the circumstances behind it in locking down what each one of us deem in our mind fearful to reveal. Why? Thinking about it, you don't want to lose the friendship already established with him/her and there is a point of no return you can never really go back from. For the most part, it may not be as it once was, knowing the friend zone was attempted to be crossed and it didn't end up turning out the way you thought it would. Hey, we've all been through it in the past and those who continue to live an unbearable life of constantly being emotionally constipated they've been able to manage just fine.

Oftentimes, having feelings for someone are at times more trouble than they're worth because it causes you to become unfocused. The guy/girl did nothing wrong whatsoever just to be clear. I think many who have or are experiencing it right now agree you aren't yourself and the people around may keenly notice the change in demeanor/behavior/attitude. Of course, if you have the ability to show that absolutely nothing is wrong with your emotional instability then you are not only a pro at this, but deserving of an Oscar for best actor/actress as well my friend. In any case, what it comes down to is having an outlet to drain, in a manner of speaking, the feeling/thoughts/emotions you're in a sense drowning in. Let me tell you something, whether it be creative or not, the way you maturely handle your hidden emotions will gradually, even if its merely on a temporary basis, help bring back one's level of sanity until another issue rises to the surface.

Personally speaking, I have never been the guy who has been able to verbally express my feelings when it comes to making a heart to heart connection, especially now with a particular female of interest in the proverbial picture. You see, that's not me and unfortunate past experiences have gradually turned me in all intensive purposes emotionally constipated but has given form to what I do best. Essentially, when it comes to searching my feelings in regards to this certain female is that she is beautiful both inside and out bringing a smile to my face. She intrigues me. Her tenacity, strength, the drive/determination in setting out for her goals, and selflessness in caring for others make her a truly remarkable, as well as special woman in my eyes. My focus has become compromised. Is this love? My answer is no. However, the feelings I have are stirring within and they're absolutely genuine. Unfortunately, she will hear only silence because I would rather keep silent than to find myself in another embarrassing, awkward situation, whereby turning me into more of a cynical, sarcastic individual than I already am.

In retrospect, there is a flip side to this in which you should tell someone how you feel because opportunities are lost within a blink of an eye and regret can last a lifetime. I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment but again you have to go back to a person's past circumstances that have caused people such as myself to be tight lipped about sharing their feelings to someone they genuinely like and want to get to know on a more personal level. When it comes to my emotional outlet, I fall back on writing it down in a notebook then transferring it from the page to my blog and it's at that point all the weight/burden I've been experiencing during that particular moment/day/week has dissipated. As long as I am able to have a mechanical pencil, notebook in hand, and my blog, my thoughts/feelings/emotions will always have a way to express how/the way I feel in my own heart. In the end, the choice to hide your feelings is solely your own decision so despite suppressing/pushing them aside they're never dead and gone giving you the opportunity to act if it's not too late.