Believe

Someone once said, ~Faith is being willing to trust God, turning your hopes and problems over to Him and trusting in His wisdom and knowing that somehow everything will turn out for the best. No matter how difficult or dark things become, there is always a light. Its staying focused on the positive and being grateful for what you have. Its trusting that the right answer to a problem will come to you. It's waiting patiently until things get resolved. Its knowing that prayer can be answered in many ways.~ There comes a point in every person's life where they get real not only about themselves but also the faith one has when it falls under certain areas of life.

Personally speaking, I'm as real as anyone can be and all the words that I write down come from the core of my own beating heart to where they speak to you. Yet, there's one area in my life I've never fully kept my faith in and that's in the area of love. Having faith that it would one day come my way or people telling me that it will come my way was just something I didn't put much stock in and yet the questions remains, do I believe in the words that I write? My answer...yes, but you see for the past 12 years, I became a jaded person as I witnessed/heard people breaking up and/or go completely crazy due to it to a point where I put up a wall, closely guarded my own heart, and kept my distance to anyone who I got close to.

Let me share something with you, I'm the type of person who is analytical and will think things through to the ground. Not once have I truly let my heart speak because of what my mind was telling me to do, which was to always hold back and keep the feelings that I've kept hidden go free. Why? For the simple reason of not wanting to be/get hurt and go through the emotional rollercoaster that can metaphorically tear your own heart into pieces. Being a private person, it was my decision and my decision alone to not get close to anyone and even though it was hard, I managed to survive up to this point in my life.

Why don't you have a girlfriend or when you are getting married are two questions that I'm always asked? Its those two question that I'm sick and tired of hearing especially why I'm not married due to me turning 30 in two years. For every response I gave to that question I got back the response of you're not getting any younger you know which got really annoying, but I digress. Somewhere along the lines I basically stopped praying to where I lost faith and the belief that God would send someone into my life who is like me or somewhat close to it, which sounds funny and weird to hear but that's who I prayed for. For past 9 years, I've been metaphorically/emotionally lost within my own heart to where I also lost something very valuable...hope.

In the past several months, I slowly began to regain faith and hope that I thought I lost years ago due in part because of a truly special lady. Its been along time since I prayed for guidance on what to do when it involved matters of my own heart. In a way, God is testing my faith as to whether or not I will walk away or stand firm. I'm going for the latter as I am following my heart for a change and I'm scared to death I'm putting my faith in God because He knows what He is doing. In the end, a close and trusted friend said this to me ~Give the feelings you have wings, let them fly, and if they come back to you then you're meant to be; if not have faith as you pray to God because love will happen for you and all you have to simply do is believe.~