Keep Holding On

Someone once said, ~And you learn that love, true love always has joys and sorrow. Seems ever present. Yet is never quite the same. Becoming more than love and less than love. So difficult to define. And you learn that through it all you really can endure. That you really are strong. That you do have value.~ When it comes to matters of the heart, you can personally go through tough times in the journey towards that certain someone who is in a sense able to ease the difficulties each one of us face within our own heart. You can most certainly experience so much mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually that it can leave you weak to the point where you doubt whether or not you're worthy enough for any guy/girl out there. Yet, it's those same weaknesses that leave you so overwhelmed it can also show how much you can truly persevere.

Let me ask you this question, how many of you endured past heartbreaks that not only have left you feeling discouraged, but in all intents and purposes also left you emotionally constipated? When I say emotionally constipated I mean not allowing yourself to deal with whatever past emotions you've been suppressing pertaining to a past relationship to where you exude a cold I don't care attitude. It can be so easy to forget being wronged/spurned, but the toughest thing in being able to easily forget are the issues you worked to avoid because there comes a point where those particular issues slowly comes to the surface leading you to eventually have to face your proverbial demons that have been lurking deep within your heart, Hey, you have to endure the pangs of sorrow before you ever experiences the joys of true happiness, which makes love so frustratingly blissful.

Without a doubt, the emotional baggage you carry around with you can be an absolute heavy burden to bear, leading you to become weak because of the drama associated with a past relationship. I think it's safe to say that there comes a point where you just don't/care at all to deal with anything or talk to anyone causing you to hide both physically, as well as, metaphorically within yourself. Women, more so than guys, tend to do this as they give a sense of strength on the outside, but on the inside they're curled up in the fetal position crying in a dark corner of their heart. However, its when she's at her weakest a woman is able to let all her burdens drain out through tears being shed whereby giving her the fortitude to stand/pull herself both in a external/internal way, wipe the last remaining tears away, and get back in the game, which shows a sign of true strength of the heart.

For the question can be asked to those of you, if any, who have suffered a recent breakup, how did it personally make you feel? Here's another question, was the reason for the break up a valid explanation or was it the usual "it's not you its me" excuse leaving you to wonder/question your value as a person? It's a sad situation indeed to see someone or are that someone who unfortunately thinks/feels they aren't worthy in sight of a guy/girl who has taken an interest in him/her because certain things such as confidence, self-esteem, etc. take a real big hit, so to speak. Though I have never been in a relationship to experience that type of hit, I have felt the stinging hit of rejection quite well leading me to become a sarcastic cynic...but I digress. In any case, your true value/worth as a person will be seen and all it ever takes is time for that person...whoever he/she is...to see it.

In retrospect, when it comes to the journey that is love or true love for that matter it can feel like you're in a seemingly tough battle in which you're either defending or fighting for the happiness of your own heart. For some, most, or all people they feel as if they've been defending their heart from being hurt more times than fighting for it to where each day is an internal struggle to see the quintessential silver lining. It's at that point you not only rely on God as you pray to Him to help strengthen you through the tough times in your heart, but also your friends as well who will/are always there for you to either catch you when you fall or take your hand when you need someone to reach out to. You see, it's easy to give up on tough times concerning your own heart, but with the love of God and your friends by your side you keep holding on to where instead of defending your heart...you fight for it, which is a song by Avril Lavigne that best reflects this thought.

I Know

Mollen Matsumura once said, ~Love is more than just a feeling; it's a process requiring continual attention. Loving well takes laughter, loyalty, and wanting more to be able to say "I understand" than to hear, "You're right"~ Without a doubt, one of the key aspects in a relationship is being able to pay close attention to your potential and/or significant other, especially if you're guy. When I say pay attention I don't mean focusing on a woman's physical feature but rather paying attention to the underlying features that don't necessarily stand out at first, but with time are noticed as clear as day. I think many women would agree that if any man paid close enough attention like he does with a particular sporting event such as football there would most definitely be a lot less confusion, as well as stupidity on our part as to who doesn't get "it" about them.

Let me ask you this question ladies, does the man in your life know what makes you laugh? For it's not the out loud kind of laughter I'm speaking of as it's the emotional kind that touches your heart as he does something so caring/thoughtful for you your reaction is to shed tears of joy as you laugh in unbelievable amazement. For example it's your birthday and you drop hints to your bf/husband about it all week or the day before but he's totally oblivious to it causing you to think that if he doesn't care to remember your birthday then doesn't care about your or something to that effect. However, that isn't the case as he planned a surprise birthday taking care of all the arrangements from knowing who to invite when it comes to close friends, what your favorite meal/dessert to have prepared at the party, and what particular flowers to give you that always puts a smile on your face.

Thinking about it, one of the things that is most sacred to a woman is having the loyalty of those closests to her such as her friends. A woman's friends with her gal pals is quite different from a guy with his buds as there is more of an emotional loyalty going on. It's hard for guys to know/understand the dynamic complexities of a seemingly confusing female friendship because we as guys aren't as emotionally connected as women are. You see, the thing guys have to know about women is not about having similar interests, cracking stupid jokes, or hanging out on a Saturday to watch college football as it’s more about trust. If that trust is broken it painfully hurts because she trusted her/them enough to be considered a real friend/friends, which many women unfortunately have experienced in the past.

For the question can be asked ladies, have you ever been in a discussion/argument with your guy and during it all you kept hearing "you're right"? A woman wants a guy who is able to say "I understand" and is able to truly listen to the concerns that plague her mind when it pertains to paying attention to the relationship in parts or as a whole. Essentially, it's the going in one ear and out the other mentality that has had guys ruin a perfectly great relationship because they didn't just close their ears off, but they in a sense closed their heart off as well to what they will regret later as the big mistake on their part. It's a sad and frustrating situation indeed for a woman to have a guy just agreeing to everything being voiced by her leading to the inevitable conclusion that he isn't committed to work at trying to change/improve on what he knows will strengthen the relationship further rather than weaken it.

In retrospect, when it comes to matters of the heart it's important for a guy to pay attention because there are so many things concerning a woman that are truly special. If you think about, it's the seemingly little, insignificant things a guy sees and/or hears from a woman that he didn't really pay attention to before are considered big gifts that make love/relationships absolutely worthwhile. It's just a matter of opening a guy's eyes, ears, as well as heart wide open to the point that he finally gets "it" to where the complaints she's been having are finally sinking in and hopefully they don't sink in when it’s too late. In the end, it's when someone asks a guy how well he's paid attention to knowing the woman he loves instead of saying with doubt the words I think I know he'll say with utmost confidence I know.

One Step At A Time

Anita Brookner once said, ~Real love is a pilgrimage. It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists.~ As said before, real love is a pilgrimage and when it comes to matters of the heart it's not so much about who or even where, but a matter of when you meet that special someone inevitably changing the course of your life forever For its a difficult situation indeed to keep an optimistic attitude all-the-while exuding patience giving you a reason to no longer search for questions lingering within your heart when your path converges with him/her. Yet, you can't help but ask the question as to when true happiness will happen as there is an uncertainty with love that causes you to either believe the long, hard journey will be worth it or it's a lost cause because of foolishly holding on to the one word that gives you hope...someday.

Without a doubt, love happens when there is no strategy being used, which is quite possibly the strategy to take if that makes any sense to you. However, when you have that first initial meeting there is some strategizing involved as you talk with him/her in order to get a feel, so to speak, as to whether or not you're genuinely connecting on a level that is truly real. For its not a connection that doesn't immediately answer the question of when being now abruptly ending your journey because it's just the beginning as there is a long mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual road ahead to deal with if the relationship progresses further. What it primarily comes down to is being able to assist in a non-controlling way the direction of where the relationship could possibly go, leading the potential of something to happen flow naturally instead of it being forced/manipulated.

Let me ask you this question to the single people out there, how many of you have been seemingly holding on to a fool’s hope that someday it's going to happen for you leading to the mindset of love being a lost cause. I think most cynical people like myself would agree that when you hear the word someday in association with love it doesn't quite have the same meaning it once heard. What do I mean? When you're young the possibility of someday meeting and falling in love with that unknown someone who is walking the same lonely road as you are would most definitely leave you with a feeling of exciting hope, which can be seen in one's eyes. Unfortunately, when you get older the exciting hope tends to fade within one's eyes as it's replaced with a defeated, beaten down look after experiencing disappointments and heartbreak.

Isaiah 40:29-31 says, ~ He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.~ As a guy, you can grow annoyingly tiresome of walking the road to one's when coming to fruition as you possibly get to know a woman only to find you've been walking the path to nowhere to the point where you're drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. Essentially, it's when the previous 3 leave you weak causing you to not want to take another step that you rely on praying to God for giving you the spiritual strength to keep you moving forward even though you feel at times to just want to give up. Let me tell you something, I'm tired and when it comes to my someday happening I'm quite frankly pessimistic about it, but with God strengthening me spiritually I'm still walking the road.

Damian Kulash Jr. said, ~Love happens in a deep, primal place that your conscious self has no power to affect, whatsoever. You cannot fight it, you cannot will it into existence, you cannot explain to it that it is making a mess of things, and it will not listen when you plead for it to stick around a little longer. So, in answer to your question, I don’t know anything about love. No one does. It’s just this incredible thing that happens to people.~ In retrospect, the pilgrimage that is love is one where you have to endure so many frustrating steps backwards in order to experience key worthwhile steps of moving forward to get where you most want to be. In the end, I say to those of you who are frustrated and find yourself losing ground, pray to God for the strength to keep walking, focus on the road in front of you instead of the road ahead of you, and make the journey count one step at a time.