My Next 30 Years

Someone once said, ~Turning 30 is a year long process to be explored through all 365 days. Only when one is 31 is one thirtysomething. And who remembers that show anyway?~ It's weird to say this, but I'm 30 years old. For the most part, you never really think about how old you are until you reach that so-called milestone age causing you to reflect back on your life. For it's such a surreal moment indeed as you begin to to think about the journey you've personally been through as you experienced the highs, lows, and everything in between that it just hit you, so to speak, to whereby you can't believe you've actually made this far in life, but also you think to yourself where has the time gone? Essentially, what it comes down to is the people I've met, the places I've been, and the things done that have made the past 30 years of my life an interesting/fun ride so far.

Thinking about it, you meet countless people over the years who initially are strangers at first, then become close friends, and depending how long you've known him/her/them they're considered family. Whether its in person or online you sometimes get to know them on a much deeper level and the same can be said for those people getting to me as they, in some aspect, get to step into my head for a minute or two by way of reading the Yodaisms I write, which have had some great responses. In any case when it comes to meeting that potential special someone all I have to say is there were...well...still are...feelings towards a particular woman who I had the privilege of spending time with who made my life that much more interesting and even though she's on a different path miles away, I can't help but think that if it's in God's will our paths may intersect one day again...who knows.

Let me ask you this question, where is the one place you have been to that has given you some great memories to look back on? Being a military kid, traveling was part of the game, in a manner of speaking, and living in such places as the Philippines, Alaska, California, D.C., South Carolina, and Pureto Rico were places that are part of my childhood growing up, whereby giving me some great memories. However, the single most greatest place that has given me unforgettable memories that I will never forget as long as I love is during my post military kid days and it was spent in Las Vegas on New Years Eve. Let me tell you something, I spent most of the time just soaking it all in taking pictures like a typical tourist and when it came to anticipation for the countdown to spark off a spectacular fireworks display to ring in the New Year, I was most certainly not disappointed whatsoever.

Without a doubt, we all have that proverbial list of things to do before leaving this earthly existence. Personally speaking, certain things that have been checked off are snorkeling on a deserted island off the coast of Puerto Rico, hiked up the El Yunke moutains, been to Disneyland/Disney World, Vegas on New Years Eve (a double whammy), a college football game, been a groomsmen for a friends wedding, took a picture with Mickey, took a picture at Bruce's Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, met a pro wrestler, and been to 3 WWF/WWE wrestling house shows. Yet, the biggest thing that I never thought I would actually do is skydiving seeing that I'm afraid of heights and I'm doing that. Hey, I may be out of my mind, but at least I'm doing something that I won't always regret wondering "what if" and I can look back on it with my kids someday as I say to them I did that.

In retrospect, the events of the past 30 years of my life have been absolutely the best and it seemed as if each one of them happened just yesterday. If you think about it though, it's not so much the events that were considered the absolute best, but rather it was the people who I spent it with that made my time on this earth worthwhile as they were able to always keep me smiling and laughing even though I may not have felt like it. From playing sandlot type ball games with neighborhood kids after school till the sun went down, to spending 2 1/2 years with The best classmates from Rosey Roads High School in Puerto, Rico, to working in a place that will make you gradually go insane along my best friend who is equally as insane, etc. are just some of the memories that I will never forget. In the end, up to this point the first 30 years of my life have been an interesting/fun ride, but I have to wonder what's in store for my next 30 years, which is a song by country superstar Tim McGraw.

No Fear

Leo Buscaglia once said, ~When love is accompanied with deep intimacy, it raises us to the highest level of human experience. In this exalted space, we can surrender our egos, become vulnerable and know levels of joy and well-being unique among life experiences. We attain a glimpse of the rapture that can be ours. Boundaries are blurred, there are no limitations and we rejoice in union. We become one, and at the same time, both.~ When it comes to love or true love for that matter the physical aspect of love plays a significant role in the relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's the most important. Essentially, one of the things that builds a strong bond between men and women is being able to be intimate with each other as you share in three ways: personally, mentally, and emotionally.

If you think about it, one of the ways to establish an intimate relationship with someone special is getting to know the person on a more personal level, which is something that is sometimes very difficult to do. Why? You see, every person has a comfort zone that feels safe to be in causing each of us to distance ourselves from getting too close and if we decide to step outside our comfort zone it can be a scary situation indeed as there is a risk of revealing certain things we worked so hard to keep hidden. However, it's a risk that may very well pay off as you gradually are comfortable within your own skin to talk about things from your most embarrassing moments growing up as a kid to unfortunate past heartbreaks and you have let it happen on its own instead of having it forced out of you.

Without a doubt, sharing your innermost thoughts with someone you love is an aspect of intimacy that can bring two people closer. For it one's own thoughts in which there are hidden answers and its the job, so to speak, of a potential and/or significant other to ask the so-called hard hitting questions. Questions such as: Do you believe you can be faithful to one person for the rest of your life? Can you provide absolute stability in the relationship when the foundation is shaken? What scares you the most? You see, it's those questions and others like it that can most definitely free not only your doubt filled mind, but also the doubt filled mind of the one you love as certain mental barriers are able to be broken through causing both of you to feel a sense of peace, whereby making an even deeper connection.

Let me ask you this question, do you think our own emotions or lack thereof can be the very thing that inhibits us to experience intimacy in a long term relationship? I believe so and as a guy it's hard to verbally put into words our feelings and when we try we end up humiliating ourselves. Oftentimes, it's hard to know exactly what we're feeling whereas for women its easy and it can bring us to a point of frustration where we simply lash out by saying something totally harsh. For some, most, or all women they have experienced the brunt of the verbal assaults leaving them in tears, but what makes it a considerably intimate situation is they choose to not run away, as well as, not give up on a guy who she knows has the capacity to show there is a softer side behind the tough exterior and vice versa.

Amy Bloom said, ~Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are.~ In retrospect, love without intimacy is hollow and no matter how much you want someone to love you first have to find the love within yourself otherwise it's meaningless. There comes a point where you have to go far beyond your boundaries and explore further within yourself than you ever thought possible. Not only that, you have to break your limitations and confront the personal, mental, as well as, emotional pain that you endured in the past to reach the level of intimacy you want to attain, which can be absolutely scary. Ultimately, you have to be committed to see it through all the way, expect to fail at times, not make any excuses when things don't go right, and in the end have no fear.

Never Run Dry

Someone once said, ~If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.~ Thinking about it, when it comes to love or true love for that matter the tears a person sheds can be considered one of the most precious gifts one can ever receive from somebody who is absolutely worth crying over. How many people can truly say they've been honestly and genuinely touched within their heart to the point where you become so emotionally overwhelmed that you find yourself smiling? For its tears of joy rather than tears of sadness that make being in love worthwhile and women more than anything seemingly wait all their lives to have a moment unlike any other where their tears mean something instead of having them mean nothing at all.

As said before, tears have meaning to a woman and as a guy you don't have any earthly idea what specific emotion they're exuding exactly making it difficult for us to know what to say or how to act...but I digress. A woman's tears can most definitely represent happiness and sadness when it pertains to a potential and/or significant relationship, but there's a lot more to it than that as you'll amazingly find a plethora of other emotions deeply hidden within those tears. You see, it can go much deeper than being just happy and sad as a woman's tears can also represent struggle, loneliness, confusion, anger, love, heartbreak, resentment, frustration, hate, bitterness, redemption, acceptance, as well as, triumph, which can be all be seen running down her cheek.

Without a doubt, a woman can most definitely feel as if she is drowning on the inside from all the tears that run down her cheek. In a sense, it's those same tears that can cause her to lose herself and it takes strength for a woman to not completely let go to where she spirals out of control within not just her heart, but soul as well. It's amazing how any woman can keep herself together when they are both mentally and emotionally working out their feelings towards a guy who is either going to make them very happy or regret ever opening her heart to, which can be physically draining. Let me tell you something, much respect is given to all women who continue to have a tight grip on who they are and haven't let their tears control them to the point where they drown within themselves.

Let me ask you this question ladies, how many of you in the past have cried over a guy who wasn't really deserving of your tears? It's a sad situation indeed when you talk on the phone or in person with female friends who have cried over a guy you knew was all wrong for them and even warned them of getting hurt, but they refused to listen causing them to be one of many unfortunate victims of love, so to speak. Essentially, when a woman is able to reflect back on the times of crying herself to sleep they hopefully realize those tears were merely wasted ones and even though she can never get them back, she can find solace in the fact that the tears that left her mentally, physically, as well as, emotionally weak in the past will make her a stronger person in the future.

In retrospect, a woman's tears of love have special importance to her as they can signify both cleansing of the soul and personal growth. In some aspect, the tears that are shed can either flow smoothly like a calm river or like a raging flood. It all depends on the guy who can, in some way, affect her heart/soul to where she gradually opens herself up to reveal a side that she doesn't want anyone or any guy for that matter to see and that is an absolutely scared human being. In the end, it's what makes love for a woman so real as she meets somebody who even though she's scared out of her mind she can be herself around him all-the-while sharing happy, tearful memories with and to those woman who have a guy that is worth crying over instead of one that make them cry all I have to say to you is may your tears never run dry.

Outside The Box

Jean-Jacques Rousseau once said, ~You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again.~ Let me ask you this question, when you were a kid and had absolutely nothing to do did you find ways to keep yourself entertained or did you need to spend your parent's money in order to do that? Growing up back in the day, you were considered a mini-MacGyver of sorts if you were able to think up something out of nothing and turn it into a game to keep not only yourself entertained, but also your friends as well. Unfortunately, kids today find that in order to have fun and be thoroughly entertained money is needed, which shows they're lacking the creative ability to tap into their imagination.

Without a doubt, one of the things that was considered fun back in the day was drifting off into your own little world and thinking about something random such as candy or cake. For a little kid, the thought of candy/cake would put a smile on one's face to where he or she possibly does their own dance because they're so excited. Let me tell you something, candy or cake would put a smile on anybody's face giving you a rush of excitement and yet there comes a point where as a grown adult you try to go back to that child-like way of thinking, but somewhere along the line you end up going through a timeline of seemingly unfortunate realities to worry about such as the calories being consumed, getting cavities, possibly losing teeth, going to the dentist, having your teeth cleaned, getting braces, spending tons of money, going into debt, etc. the list goes on and on.

Oftentimes, saying or making up a word or a phrase for that matter can keep a child busy for quite some time and I say this because I work with/around young kids. If you think about it, you can be amazed how repeating one word or phrase can be endless amounts of fun to pass the time on a sometimes boring day, which can be seen as cute by some, most, or all adults. When you observe a young child doing that, they seem to have great joy in just repeatedly saying something that can have different variations to it, not just in the sound, but also in the emphasis of what is being said as well. Yet, what can be seen as cute can sometimes be truly annoying after a while because if you've spent enough time around young kids those words can be tortuous to the point where it not only sticks in your head, but you end up repeating it yourself inevitably driving you nuts.

For the question can be asked, do you think playing with a simple ordinary box that you pack items in can be viewed as a way to escape reality? From a kid's perspective you most certainly can as they have the ability to build up an imaginary world filled with joy and wonderment in a single box or a group of boxes that can be made into either a fort, castle, or a series of connecting tunnels to crawl through. As an adult though, you can find it truly difficult to play in them especially in the connecting tunnels of boxes because your body doesn't work the way it used to as your knees and back tend to get hurt. In any case, whether it was playing cowboys and indians, king of the castle, or just crawling around in the dark like a crazed lunatic, playing in boxes back then was and probably still is something to behold.

In retrospect, it seems as if today's generation of kids complain that there is nothing to do and if someone suggests an activity that involves the outdoors they whine that it's either too hot or it's too stupid to play. You see, its today's generation of kids that have the good life and everything they have such as the pool in the backyard to swim in, the expensive video game system(s) to play with, the ATV to ride on, etc. all within their fingertips and yet they're not even content with that. For many of us, fun wasn't always something that you could buy, watch, and/or put coins in, it was about using your own imagination to bring to life what you saw in your head or around you and make it a reality. In the end, you sometimes have to go outside the box to create/do something that hopefully is entertaining and if it's successful then that's when the real fun begins.

The Bottom Line

D. H. Lawrence once said, ~The source of all life and knowledge is in men and women, and the source of all living in the interchange and the meeting and the mingling of those two: man-life and woman-life, man-knowledge and woman-knowledge, man-being and woman being.~ Without a doubt, men and women have very different mindsets when it comes to certain aspects of life that may encounter similar situations, but the way it's handled is what makes the male and female species such interesting subjects to observe. For it’s when you take a step back and look at the big picture you can either laugh at how funny it actually is or scratch your head because of the confusing nature of it all. Essentially, the three specific aspects of life that men and women handle differently are smelling, eating, and talking.

If you think about it, men and women most definitely have different thoughts as to what makes a pleasurable smell and I do use the term pleasurable loosely. What do I mean? Well, women can have great satisfaction for hours on end when it comes to smelling such things as flowers, perfume, lotions, skin care products, hair care products, etc. because it gives off an alluring scent when it is applied to a particular part of the body, whereby attracting men towards them. Men, on the other hand. find that bad, awful smells are considered pleasurable in a morbid way and perfect examples are their own farts. All I'm going to say is that for some guys, they find it pleasurable in a sick and twisted way, to get any kind of reaction to the point where if tears are shed by their intended targets they've accomplished a great victory in their own mind.

I think men and women would agree that eating is something we both thoroughly enjoy, especially when its in the company of our friends. However, when it comes to getting our proverbial grub on men generally treat eating as a competitive sport rather than just a simple meal. For the type of eating establishment guys use as their so-called arena to gorge themselves in is a buffet and the supposed winner is the one who has used up the most plates. It would be safe to say that there are many women out there who have witnessed this and thought it's disgusting, stupid, as well as immature. For the most part, they're absolutely right, but from a guy's perspective its all about pride as one takes solace in the fact on that particular day he was the better man at stuffing himself and if the end result is getting sick to where he pukes his guts out then it was worth it.

Let me ask you this question, when it comes to having conversations as you eat with your friends, are you there for the food itself, talking with friends, or both? Women, more often than not, are both for the conversation and food and yet it oftentimes seems as if it's more about talking with each other to share what's been going on whereby the meal lasts a couple of hours, which shows how much spending time with each other is important. Men, on the other hand, gather together to primarily focus on the food itself and if there is any kind of conversation going on it consists of short, simple sentences with caveman-like grunts added in. Hey, its how guys are when women aren't around and the overall time spent with the boys is about 45 minutes to an hour, which shows that even though we don't talk to each other we communicate in other ways to show gratitude in each other's company.

In retrospect, there are so many aspects of life that men and women have different perceptions on that it just amazes you on what can actually learn from each other. As a guy, you just have to accept a woman for not only how they think or say when it pertains to raising children. decorating the house, etc., but also how they act when dealing with certain situations that may or more not have them overreacting to it. For women, they just have to accept us guys for the way we think, say, or do things even though it may not only make them angry, it also makes no sense at all to them that they just have to go with it because it's who we are. In the end, the bottom line is that men and women will always see, think, and do things differently in life/relationships that can get on each other's nerves, but if you're able to have a sense of humor about it then it's all worthwhile.

Just As I Am

Elizabeth Cameron once said, ~When you like someone, you like them in spite of their faults. When you love someone, you love them with your faults.~ Let me ask you this question, does a potential and/or significant other accept your imperfections to where they don't generally focus on them because in their own mind it's those same imperfections that make you a very unique individual? For some, most, or all people they are lucky enough to have someone who can make them feel comfortable in their own skin and yet there are certain guys, as well as girls, who when establishing a potential and/or significant relationship they tend to take a step back, so to speak, and begin breaking down his or her supposed flaws in three ways: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Without a doubt, men and women can pick each other physically, in a manner of speaking, when it pertains to zeroing in on specific things that bother them to the point it gets under their skin. For it’s those particular features that to most people are considered very attractive, but to others it just bugs them to no end to where he or she can absolutely have that restless, uncomfortable feeling in the presence of that person whereby one completely focuses on those supposed flaws rather than on him or her as a whole. Whether it's something valid such as crooked teeth and too much application of a type of make-up or something weird/strange like the corners of one's mouth are too curly when he/she smiles and way too perfect teeth, it's just the tip of the iceberg for those who are truly looking for perfection.

Oftentimes, people find that not being able to be in touch with your emotions is considered a big imperfection, especially to many women who want to have a guy that can be emotionally sensitive to her needs. A guy who can show that he cares and not be seen in her eyes as an insensitive jerk when there are sad situations that she would most definitely would want to have the man she loves crying right there along with her by her side. However, you have to remember ladies, you're dealing with the male species who were taught at a very young age to bottle up their emotions and only the way you'll see them cry is if they're dog died or their favorite sports team won a championship, but if you're lucky enough to have this sweet, compassionate, tender-hearted guy in your life then kudos to you.

For the question can be asked, are there any of you who aren't able to mentally move forward in a possibly great relationship? Why do I ask? Well, there are people out there who get to a certain point mentally and then just hit a wall turning that metaphorical roadblock into something deeply psychological. Explanations could be the fear of commitment, intimacy, issues of abandonment, anger, bitterness, resentment, or whatever the case may be are just a few things one can view as a mental flaw, which can not only be difficult, but also time consuming as well to try to work through. Essentially, you just have to face it as a challenge of the heart and if you clear your mind by yourself or with professional help of what is subconsciously holding you back you'll make a tremendous breakthrough towards experiencing true happiness.

In retrospect, when it comes to love or true love for that matter a person can be so busy looking at or trying to find the flaws of others that they don't realize the flaws they themselves have. In the whole scheme of things, nobody is perfect and if everybody were to be with someone who was physically, emotionally, as well as, mentally faultless it would get extremely annoying after a while. Why? In all intents and purposes, love is about accepting imperfections that you will most certainly miss if he or she was out of your life and in a funny way, the imperfect person you're going to spend your life with will indeed be perfect for you. In the end, every person hopes to one day stand or is standing in front of someone who they can say with an open heart to him/her will you love me despite all my imperfections and will you take me just as I am, which is a song that somewhat reflects this thought by the 70's/80's Soft Rock Band known as Air Supply.